Motherhood

Being a mom is wonderful and amazing, and amazing and wonderful, and wonderful and amazing!  Words don't do justice for the way I feel about being a mom to my sweet little boy and especially the blessing of staying home to take care and raise him.  When I was pregnant people that already had children would tell me, "Just wait till labor.....it's so horrible!"  Well, I waited for labor expecting the worst and ended up very much enjoying it.  It was physically a difficult thing to go through but it was such an amazing spiritual experience to bring a human being into this world.  I would go through any amount of pain to do that again.  Right after he was born people with children would tell me, "Just wait till you are up at 2 in the morning with a crying baby and you get no sleep, you are never going to sleep again!"  Well, I waited and woke up at 2 and 4 and 6 in the morning and loved cuddling with my baby as I fed him and watched him fall back asleep.  I loved being the one that was lucky enough to be able to do that.  Was I tired?  Yeah, there were times when I could hardly even keep my eyes open.  But, I would not trade it for the world and can not wait to do it again one day.  Now people with children tell me, "Just wait until he is walking.  He will get into everything and it is so hard to keep up!"  Well, I will wait for that day (but hope that time passes slowly so he can be my baby forever!) and know I will walk into the kitchen and find that he has pulled out all the napkins and cereal and whatever else he can and I will get down on the floor with him and help him pull more stuff out.  I feel so blessed, truely blessed to be a mother.  I have become very aware recently of the struggle of infertility of so many people that are around me.  Some I know well, some I don't.  It truely breaks my heart for them.  I wish I could bare them a child just to give them the opportunity for motherhood.  I know the Lord has a plan for everyone, but even without struggling with infertility I would have to say I think that would be one of the most difficult ones to bare.  I pray for those of you that infertility effects.  I see children that are mistreated by their mother in public, and I can only imagine the kind of home life they must have.  I know there are so many out there that long to give a baby a wonderful home.  That is the reason I want to have so many children.  Because I know I can love them with all my heart.  Even if I can not give them everything physically that I wish I could, I know I can give them me.  I know there are so many other women that are the same but have not been given the opportunity.  I will continue to pray that something will come into your lives that will give you that opportunity.  My son brings me joy that is indescribable and I want everyone that wants that to feel the same.  As mothers and women, lets talk about how wonderful it is to have motherhood in our lives and remember that there are women out there that long to have what we have been blessed to have.

I love him so much

Noah Carter Miller

I can't believe my sweet boy is already 8 weeks old!  The time has gone so fast so I want to write this post before I forget too much.  Friday, June 29th I woke up at 3:30 in the morning with contractions 5-6 minutes apart on the dot.  I had been expecting to labor at home for awhile with my first pregnancy, but I timed them for about forty minutes and then decided it was time to go to the hospital.  I woke Scott up and he asked if he could shower first.  I was a bit taken back because I knew I was in labor but I thought a quick shower would be fine.  Well, he took his precious time and finally I had to tell him this was real and we REALLY did need to go to the hospital.  He finally got the hint.  :)  We got to Alta View Hospital at 5:30 in the morning.  They hooked me up to monitors for an hour to see if they were going to keep me or send me home depending on how labor was progressing.  When I got to the hospital I was dialated to a 3, and when they checked me a little over an hour later I was a 4-5.  I was so surprised at how quickly labor was progressing.  Again, I thought being my first pregnancy it would take hours and hours.  At that point I started asking about an epidural.  The nurse was wonderful and asked me if I was sure I didn't want to do it naturally because I was handling labor so well.  Labor really wasn't as bad as I had expected, but I knew it would be getting MUCH worse so I told her I definetly wanted an epidural.  Let me tell you, when I got the epidural I was in heaven!  My mom and Scott were in the room with me and I remember telling them I was a baby making machine because I could have gone through labor all day and been so happy!  My anestesiologist was Dr. Waterfall and I loved him.  I could still move my legs, but the pain of the contractions were practically gone.  I was fully dialated at 11:45 and began pushing.  It was only me, Scott and our nurse in the room and it was actually very peaceful.  I was a very quiet pusher so most of the time you could only hear Scott counting to ten for me.  My mom went into the waiting room and called the rest of the family to have them come to the hospital.  I pushed, and pushed and pushed and pushed.  Noah was stuck on my pelvic bone and he was not moving.  I was completely exausted by the time Dr. Smith came in to evaluate.  I told him I really did not want to have a c-section so he decided on forcepts.  At 3:32 Noah Carter Miller was born.  His poor little head came out pretty swollen from almost four hours of pushing and forcepts, but by that night he was looking great.  I absolutely loved my stay at Alta View.  I had such wonderful nurses and if truth be told I can't wait to do it all over again, but not for awhile!  The last eight weeks have been such a mix of emotion.  I would never want to repeat the first three weeks after he was born.  There are so many hormone changes after having a baby, and your body just has to try and get back to normal.  By week four I was starting to feel like myself and as of now I could not be happier with my life.  I love being a stay at home mom and taking care of Noah 24/7.  I've left him once with my parents to see Wicked and I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about it.  My whole life has changed being a mom.  It doesn't matter if I don't feel well or didn't get much sleep, all that matters is taking care of him and making him happy.  I love my son!  

39 Weeks

On one hand I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone, but on the other I'm dying everyday waiting to meet this little boy and time is creeping by.  When I consider the fact that I have been pregnant since the end of September 2011, I honestly can't think of what life was like not growing this little boy inside of me.  It will be so different not being pregnant, but I am so excited for my worrying to change from whether or not I feel him kicking and moving inside me to whether he is crying because he is hungry, uncomfortable or just plain tired.  I have had the best support from my husband this whole time.  He has helped me in the various ways I have needed him throughout these last nine and a half months.  I have been taking a zofran daily since about week 5 to keep the nausea manageable.  The first trimester was really bad and it was hard to find what I could even think about eating.  Second trimester got much better, although that was when I threw up the whole two times I ever did the whole pregnancy.  Third trimester the nausea came back strong, although not quite as bad as first trimester.  Overall, it's been great.  I know there are so many people that throw up alot and deal with nausea, so I very grateful I only had to deal with the nausea.  I now understand when women would say that the last few weeks can be pretty tough.  Although our bodies are meant to carry babies, towards the end of pregnancy the baby gets so big that there is alot of strain on your body.  Sleeping is pretty much a joke right now, but I guess that is just preparing me to take care of Noah!  Everyday I am hoping and praying my water will break, but I have a feeling Noah is too comfortable inside me and I will probably need to be induced.  I don't really have any contractions, at least none that are painful and obvious.  I'm dialated to a 1 1/2, but I have been that way for about the last three weeks.  I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so hopefully we will know more after that!  Posts are much more fun with pictures, so here is one of Scott and I on our honeymoon.  I can't wait to see who Noah looks more like!  Hopefully my next post will be pictures of him!

Introducing the Millers!

     I've been meaning to start a blog for a long time for two reasons.  First, growing up I was always good at writing in a journal every night but after college I never seemed to make the time.  So much is happening and has happened in life that I want to remember it all.  Second, I absolutely love reading my sister in law and friends blog and seeing the updates in their lives, so if anyone is interested this is what is going on in our life!
     Scott and I have been married for almost two years.  (June 30, 2010)  It has been such a wonderful two years being married to my best friend.  Marriage can be hard, yes, but when you work together as a couple it is the best thing in the world.  We are anxiously waiting to meet our little Noah that really could come any day now.  He is due July 2nd, but we would happily welcome him early!  We bought a condo the week after we were married and could not be more grateful for the friendships we have made in our ward.  We love living in a complex that is full of young families.  Scott is working as a manager at 1-800 Contacts and will finish his degree in December from the U.  I graduated from the U last summer and just had my last day of working for who knows how many years this last week.  I am now a full time mom.  I think I have been waiting for this day since I was 10 years old.  It's crazy to think that it is finally here! 
     The last nine months have been wonderful and difficult at the same time.  We found out we were pregnant on Halloween.  We were extremely fortunate and got pregnant the first month we decided it was time to expand our family.  It is the first grandchild for the Miller side, and the fourth on the Roylance side.  Needless to say, everyone was thrilled.  My first appointment was the day before Thanksgiving.  Scott and I LOVED hearing his heartbeat and can't wait for our appointments just to hear that sound.  That weekend our life really started to change.  My mother in law, Shelley, was diagnosed for the fourth time in May 2011 with breast cancer.  This time it had metasticide to her bones and was throughout her body.  She had been doing chemotherapy and had recently been put on a heavier dose.  She went into the hospital that weekend because she was too sick and too weak to be at home.  She went back a few different times the next few weeks and ultimately sat us down as a family and told us she was ready to leave her earthly body.  She had been in pain and suffering for too long and could fight no longer.  We brought her home on a Wednesday and had hospice come.  Scott and I lived at the house for about two weeks.  We are so grateful for that time we were able to spend with our sweet mother and mother in law.  We had so many wonderful moments mixed among the very difficult ones.  It was the most spiritual experience I have ever been through.  Scott and I grew together as a couple as we leaned on eachother for comfort and support.  Shelley passed away at home on December 19, 2011.  She made sure to remind us before she passed that she would know whether it was a boy or girl before we did.  We know she is watching over Noah and the other kids that will join our family one day.  We would do anything to have Shelley back in our lives, but we know Heavenly Father has a plan.  He knows so much more than we do and can see the bigger picture.  Scott and I are grateful for the growth this experience has given to us not only as a couple, but individually as well.  We look forward to the day we get to be with our mom and mother in law again.